Nighttime Personalities Take Aim At Trump's New 'Gold Card' Immigration Plan

TV's prominent hosts spent their airtime mocking ex-President Donald Trump's newly announced immigration program, dubbed the "golden visa," portraying it as a blatant pay-for-access scheme for the rich.

Colbert's Pointed Take

Kicking off his show, Stephen Colbert offered a mock holiday song directed at the president. "He's compiling a list, checking it twice, then giving that list to the officials at ICE," he crooned. "Donald Trump ... spoils all he handles."

Colbert's target was the new initiative that enables foreign nationals to purchase U.S. legal status for a sum of $1 million dollars, with a "top-tier" tier for five million. The program's page pledges processing "with unprecedented speed."

"A brief note for you to rich applicants: before you pony up, what about Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He pointed out that the card is also intended to "squeeze cash" from companies looking to hire foreign workers, with hefty payments. "That is a lot of fees, however if you enroll, you also get a complimentary stay at a property of your choice – as long as it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he added.

"Unprecedented vetting the U.S. government has ever done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to verify these individuals completely meet the standard to be in America."

"That is important, you have to prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "Question one: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Roast

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the initiative the "Get Into America Express Card."

"This is a card that will allow rich international individuals to live here," he stated. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get official resident status, you get a route to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one significant crime of your choosing."

"It might be time to update that poem on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your tired masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel teased the lack of detail of the form, noting it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"That's right, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "It's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Affordability Struggles

On another network, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's slipping approval ratings amid economic anxiety. "The public gave Donald Trump a another term since they were upset about the economy," he explained.

This week, in a bid to discuss affordability, Trump conducted a press conference in front of a array of grocery items, and behaved peculiarly to boxes of cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a while."

"He is so extremely weird," Meyers responded. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by targeting right-leaning media arguments of Trump's financial performance. "Perhaps rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to the one FIFA did," he joked.